Fertility Altars

My body itself is an altar, a sacred space, a religious place.

Here’s a quick tour of my fertility altar.

We have altars set up throughout our home, 4 to be exact. I would even go as far as saying our home is an altar in itself as are the two humans who currently occupy space here. I love me some rituals and altars are all about rituals and purposeful places of worship. My home is definitely full of devotion as well as praise! So as I prepared to call our little spirit baby to join us in this life, I created an altar with all my fave fertility relics and some schweet treats! Here’s the objects I chose to put on my fertility/welcome bambinx altar! 🙂

Coconut Oil: Good for just about everything, but my new fave…lube honey! It’s like a tropical paradise down under! Good for solo play, w/toys, and with ya partna!
Food: an apple, an orange and my favorite chocolate mints. I think every altar should have things that are living (need to add a plant to this one!) and things that are being sacrificed, the fruit. I’m blessing them and asking for blessings as I add them to the spread. At the point I do become pregnant, I’m plan on eating the fruit that’s present.
Fertility Portion:
- My favorite vibrator, the Lelo Ina Wave. I def wanted something on there that was fallic and that brings me joy and since I can’t put my lover up there, the next best thing will have to do. *side note* 3 words: full body orgasm!
- Viva La Vulva! It’s a vulva pin that I picked up at 2016’s Amber Rose’s Slut Walk and met the cutest pair of feminist, sex-positive entrepreneur artist gal partners! I love their pins and stickers and am sad I can’t find any contact page to tag.
- Ganesh who was actually a wedding present from my spouse’s childhood friend that she bought while traveling in South Asia. Ganesh represents fertility and is the destroyer of obstacles! So having her aboard the altar was a no-brainer!
- Venus of Willendorf c. 25,000 B.C.. obvi I don’t have the original, in fact mine is carved from wood not limestone. There’s a bunch of theories on her, but like who do we ask to know for sure, right? This is even before Jesus’s time! Some theories are; she was used as a symbol of fertility, represented procreativity, could have been a good luck charm, a deity or mother goddess! My fave theory about the red ochre pigment covering her is that it’s thought to symbolize menstrual blood which was seen as a life giving agent. Yay!! Ahh pre-patriarchy and hate of all women things, let’s get back there, shall we?
- Moonstone, the stone of fertility, the love stone and it connects us to the goddess and the moon! Plus it’s the stone for my birth time and is said to accelerate psychic abilities!
- Yoni Eggs: Holistic vaginal weights made of precious healing crystals. This link will take you to my other v/blog I created on my favorite vaginal inserts! 🙂
Hopeful baby daddy’s crystals, although I joke in the video that he didn’t want to be left off of the altar, it is important for him to have a stake and a presence in all aspects of baby consciousness and I’m very grateful that he’s into all the same hippie spiritual ways. I tease and call him my monk.
BOOKS!: We are big readers individually and collectively, we read as much as we can together, like legit read out loud together from the same book like some nerds. Lots of relationships books, finance books, plays, anything that is going to continue to help us grow and develop into better versions of ourselves! I think it’s SO important that a couple read together and continue to work on the relationship. Time changes, we change, reading together, for us, has helped us to stay on equal footing.
Incense: I typically light one every day, especially during yoga and meditation times. My favorite scent is so cliche I feel like, nag champa. I could smell it all day!
Above the altar
- Erotic art! I’m so into it and I want more! Right now I have a Kama Sutra basic position piece from The World Erotic Art Museum in Miami, Florida. Please go if you’re ever there, it’s incredible, they have everything and I don’t want to spoil it for you! We have a couple making love that was spray-painted on black canvas for us in the streets of Barcelona, Spain! Lastly, I have a abstract piece from an artist in Joshua Tree, California.
- Dreamcatchers: We made at a Native American site and event at Kuruvungna Springs. We were actually really proud of how they turned out even though they look like a child made them!
- Our vows!! Bae and I were up ’til the wee hours of the morning the night before our wedding (separately!) finishing up our vows, in fact I was still cleaning them up in the space a couple hours before the ceremony. I’m happy that we wrote our own vows and what’s hilarious is we both open on almost the exact same line. We are the same human sometimes! 🙂

Our altars will continue to shift and breathe with me and the changes that I go through, just like it will modify once I’m in pregnancy mode then into postnatal! It’s probably why I have 4 of them throughout the house. We live, we grow, we add, we purge and we pray.

– xOx

Financial Freedom

Money is a useful tool and I am the craftsman.

A micro slice of my journey towards Financial Freedom!

Everything I learned about the almighty dollar, I learned at home, like most of us. There were no personal finance classes in school (though there totally needs to be!), no one to teach us about debt and credit or how at 18 I would get those oh so tempting credit card lures in the mail, which I would totally bite, hook, line and SINK! I bought 3 fresh to death leather jackets at 18 which I’m pretty sure I paid on for years after. Although my father was good with money, he was an accountant for the military, I didn’t grow up with him and he was more or less a bit of hoarding Scrooge McDuck when it came to money anyway. My super loving generous mother was at the opposite side of the spectrum, holding the belief that you can’t be buried with your money (kind of true, but I mean have you seen the Egyptian tombs?!) She taught me that you might as well spend your money now, enjoy yourself, treat yourself, treat your friends. It’s a fine concept for living in the present that unfortunately doesn’t roll over into any type of savings account. With that philosophy, I grew up living check to check with bill-paying days being pretty tense times to say the least. Sometimes we had to wait for payday to turn on the heat or the AC and there were times we had to go without things that we wanted. Now, I never starved or went naked (though fine with it now, I would’ve mortified me back in the day!) and my mother spoiled me when and where she could. I reflect on the above not to shit talk my parents, they did what they could as young divorcees and probably didn’t have a whole lotta formal financial training themselves, but I’m sharing to say, I didn’t know what the F I was doing when it came to money. I loaded up my credit card(s) and then when I couldn’t pay da bills…I just stopped. Just like that. Stopped paying, stopped answering phone calls, moved. PS. Don’t do that. I never even had a savings account, I mean I had one, but there was never any money in it. When I started dating my boo thang, It was a huge turn-on for me that he had a savings account AND he had money in it!! Like more than $100! His savings game was strong and it was important to him. However, I would say some of my bad money habits rubbed off on him over the years, using credit cards for things we didn’t need, not paying bills on time, etc. When the inkling of thinking about the potential of a starting a family came to mind, I knew that I didn’t want to continue the cycle of money like water especially when I was living in a draught! And I wasn’t in a draught because I wasn’t working, I was in a draught because I didn’t know how to manage my dinero. Something needed to change.

I heard about Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (FPU) through a friend years before and how she had been able to pay off SO much debt so quickly, she shared with me the steps that I tried to incorporate without having to actually invest time, money and accountability into the class! Basically…you get what you pay for, believe that. So finally, last year, I was like “Bae, we takin this class and we taking it together!” After a little convincing on why we were going to pay for a class to learn about saving money, he was down. I’m not even doing this class justice when I say, it’s the ish, but it is! FPU completely revolutionized how we handle and think about moolah. The #1 thing we wanted to do before we even attempted on gettin it on (baby-making) was to pay off all of our consumer debt, aka credit cards, we had 3 between us. FPU, legit has the simplest most practical steps to follow, in fact they’re so simple, they’re called “Baby Steps”. I’ll say the one piece of advice I have if you take this class is just listen to Dave, don’t do things your way, this man is pure financial genius and the steps are in an order for a reason. Having debt is normal, not having debt is WEIRD! Let’s be weird!

SO, long story short, in less than a year we saved up our emergency fund and paid off all 3 of our credit cards! Paid off, cut up and CLOSED OUT homie! Neva eva to be used again. We now cash flow every big purchase, meaning, we save up for that shit or we don’t get it. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes we have to say no to eating out with friends, going to concerts, vacays, you know fun life stuff, but it’s temporary, “you’ve got to live like no one else, so you can live like no one else” – directly from Dave. We had to save up our emergency fund twice, because we had a freakin random, he’s too old to be gettin wisdom teeth emergency extraction. We used cash, paid for those suckers and it only took us 2 pay periods to get our fund back in place!

In closing, (don’t I sound all lawyer-y?!) One of the most useful tools FPU teaches is the envelope system. You budget for everything, groceries, gas, entertainment, clothing, pocket money and you withdraw cash and put it in envelopes. Once those envelopes are empty, that’s it, you’re done, and let me tell you watching that beautiful green bill leave your hand never to return the same is a lot harder than mindlessly swiping right or left…oh wait, that’s tinder ;)~ but you get me, with swiping you don’t see the money go, go, gooooo until the day you get declined!

Caveat: this class, as wonderful and beneficial as it’s been for me is very heteronormative, focused on couples and has a lot of Christian scripture references. I happened to be married to a man and I was raised Christian, but I also identify as a member of the LGBTQ family as well as have many different spiritual beliefs outside of the Christian faith as do many of my framily. One of my besties who does not identify as Christian also took the class with us and we both believe that anyone regardless of religious, sexual orientation or relationship background can benefit from the practical steps outlined in this class. I say all this because I don’t want anyone to be deprived of these super simple steps to live in financial freedom! Dave is a devout Christian (hence the Biblical references) and he’s also a practical money man, it’s worth checking out however you identify!

The Baby Steps:

Save $1,000
Pay off debt
3-6 month fund
Invest 15%
Step 5 college
Pay off home
Give!

Listen to *Dave’s 3 daily podcasts* OR *Watch him live on youtube*

And remember in times of financial temptation...WWDD (what would Dave do?)

– xOx

Couples Counseling

And it is messy // But it is a blessing // Because when it’s open and exposed // There’s no more throwin ‘bows // Waving white flags to foes // The wounds are scabbing up // Small scars I’ll bare // To live the life I dare. [excerpt from My Muse].

About a year and some change ago, the boo and I started couples counseling. We both wanted to be committed to this marriage, but to be honest we were in a pretty rough and tumble place resulting from the deep dark dank hole I seemed to be stuck in. It was a pretty scary time for the both of us as we had no idea what was to become of us, individually and collectively. We were on the verge of separation, I even hesitantly threw the word divorce out into the ring. I’m a product of parents who have both been through multiple divorces, I never really had an example of a healthy relationship that made it through hard times. On the hub’s hand though, his parents have been together for 35+ years, so there was never even a consideration for divorce on his end. To this day, I am so unbelievably grateful that I have a life partner who checks his ego for the good of the whole and isn’t too “manly” (whatever the F that means) to go to counseling or read books on issues that deal directly with what we’re going through and to better himself. Because of our commitment and super duper freakin hard work and a whole lotta tears later, we are now in a place that I never dreamed that we could be. We are closer, more in love, better at communicating and I have experienced true intimacy for the first time in my life. Wow! It’s pretty mind-blowing. Without pursuing counseling, we would never be in a mentally and emotionally stable place to bring a child into this world, thus continuing cycles that were meant to be stopped not recycled! We broke them invisible chains baby!!!

And oh how I love that he humors me by being in my silly Snappie Hippie vlog!

Love me some he.

BqXF_4gCYAAVs5W

RESOURCE: If you’re a sexual trauma survivor and you’re in a relationship, one of the #1 books that really helped us; him understand my behavior and me start to recognize my learned coping patterns was, When a Woman You Love Was Abused. It’s a great couples read, eye opening and healing.

– xOx

Consciously Conceiving: Baby Prep

I began planning for *hopeful* conception about 10-12 months before my *ideal* gettin dat bun in the oven date! Whaaaa?! Planning? What a concept. Definitely something foreign to me, as I grew up around a lot of “Oh S%@T! I’m pregnant” unplanned pregnancies, including myself. So this time around, if planning was an option, I wanted to make sure me & my partna got our mental, emotional, physical and financial health in order! Here’s the checklist list I created on my notes app in January 2016.

Here’s a 60 second snappie video!

Watch on YouTube: Conscious Baby Prep

Now, that list broken down with LOTS of helpful links!

Therapy! I knew that this was something I needed to do for me, and it was long overdue! I had a lot of suppressed sexual trauma/shame/guilt/denial/an alcohol problem and I knew that I needed to deal with allllla that first before I could ever be the wife, mother, family member, friend that I wanted to be and GUESS WHAT?!?! IT WORKED!! Therapy is the ish and if you’re willing to put in the work and get real uncomfortable for a bit, you’re entire life can change. Your relationships can change. I had put it off for decades b/c well, I didn’t want to deal with my demons and I didn’t think I could afford therapy. But GUESS WHAT ELSE?! There’s places that have a sliding scale based on your income which was my saving grace two years ago! Then couples therapy, I mean I am trying to co-exist and grow with another human, but that’s for a future v/blog! This article is chocked full of resources for finding mental health help on a budget!
Financial Peace University was one of the best classes I’ve ever taken and hereby do declare that this course or similar, should be in every high school across the country! In 362 days, we have paid off all of our consumer debt, 3 outrageous credit cards and rebuilt our emergency fund 2x! Cuz, well, we had an emergency, buuuuut we were able to use our emergency fund instead of putting anything on a credit card! Hollllaaaa! Dave Ramsey, this financial genius, has a daily podcast and youtube channel!
Yoni Eggs or holistic vaginal weights made of crystals were not only a part of getting my chocha right and tight, but also a part of my healing process in combo with intense therapy. I started out with the three traditional Tao eggs, Jade, Obsidian and Rose Quartz. Now I had been working with vaginal weights, but they were like the old school metal ben wa balls and these were healing crystals, so I was all in! Today I have almost 20 yoni eggs of all sizes and variety of crystals! PLEASE for the love of Holy Mother, just make sure whatever yoni eggs you buy are GIA-certified, there is A LOT of fake crystal dealers out there, effed up I know, especially when it comes to Jade. This is your precious temple we’re talking about, so don’t be cheap, get something that will make your kitty purr and heal.
Let’s give it up for Planned Parenthood y’all! They have kept me baby and cancer-free my entire post-college adult life?! It’s called PLANNED parenthood for a reason! Thru these angels, I got the non hormonal, copper ParaGard IUD, which basically kung fu chops semen, at least that’s the visual in my head! These IUDs have a lifespan of up to 12 years and are immediately reversible. Now it hurts like a B going in, but for 6 years, not feeling it at all, my partner not feeling it all and NO pregnancy scares, it was so worth it! The removal is not a day at the beach either, I’m not gonna lie, but it’s hella quick and easy, which was surprising since my hypochondriac self swore it had definitely embedded itself into my organs. Nope! It’s outta there!
Garden of Life mykind Organics Prenatal Multi baybeee! Literally for me and my baby, pre, during and post pregnancy for milkie milkie time! They’re still big as hell, but they don’t taste so bad going down. They also have a dude’s multi which baby daddy has been consuming to help with that healthy sperm game.
I’m a hard core vegetarian whose a wanna be vegan most of the time…like 89%. Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven and Kind Mama are my go-tos when making sure Imma be getting the proper nutrition to me and bae during conception and during preggo time. It’s also my go-to when I need to hit the naysayers upside the head with my kindle for poo pooing on my lifestyle choice of not eating potentially poisoned and rotting flesh, which is fine if that’s what you’re into. To each her own, I’ll leave your steak alone, if you leave my greens alone, capisce?! PS. Rando Fact: Alicia Silverstone wrote Kind Mama and is also responsible for the mykind line at Garden of life! Get it Alicia and thanks!
We had a pre-baby vacay for our anniversary and spent a month in Italy this summer doing as the Romans do…when in Rome… straight debauchery! Vino, gelato, vino, food, vino and umm…whatever happens in Italy stays in Italy! Needless to say, we had us a good little cleansing when we got back, a vegan liquid cleanse- juice, smoothies and soups minus the vino! It was womb prep-time for the future tenet.
Living in SoCal, I have a bunch of beautiful, natural-living, ahhhmazing Mexican amigas who hipped me to sobadoras. A sobadora is a masseuse, one that massages a woman’s uterus. Our ute can get all kinds of out of wack from sports, babies, carrying heavy ish, TRAUMA and plain ole stress. If the ute is not in the correct position it can F with implantation. The super amazing sobadora that I found specializes in Arvigo Techniques of Mayan Abdominal Therapy. Marcia is a gem and her website is True Healing Bodywork, tell her The Snappie Hippie sent you so she knows I love her and am in eternal gratitude.
Yogaglo (at home) and Silverlake Yoga (in studio) has amazing prenatal classes, partner classes and baby and me classes…swooooon!! The great news for this very vain workout addict is that I found out I can pretty much continue with all my regular scheduled workouts like hiking, elliptical and swimming throughout my pregnancy, F yes! I am however going to take my outdoor cycling off the list, since it’s already hella dangerous on these LA streets and I’ll be pedaling for 2. Might have to cool it on the pole when I get too big to swing around or invert. Already thinking of when I can get back to working out after pregnancy and I’m not even pregs yet…oy.
The midwife and doula search is ON like Donkey Kong! I’m SO grateful that there are soooo many good reproductive resources here in Los Angeles! Somewhere along the way since my epidural-heavy , pain-free first pregnancy, I’ve decided that I want to have a natural at home water birth…whaaaaa, never have I ever! I want that spiritual mama to babe soul connection on my terms, plus I heard there’s such a thing as an orgasmic birth and I’m gonna research the hell outta that! Masturbation while giving birth anyone? Here’s the midwife search thus far:

And dasss it (hella long tho, huh?)! My first post will be my longest post *promise* but I want to share ALL the goodies I’ve been collectin!

– xOx