Candles glow // I close eyes for the wishes I blow // Seeds I sow // For the chance to know // Your healing soul // Grow Flower grow.
This week I had the honor of guest writing for the blog, Jane Dope, “a blog by and for women who love Cannabis.” on the super taboo topic of using cannabis while pregnant. In the article, I share my personal thoughts and experiences. Here’s an excerpt:
“I’m a planner and a researcher living a hippie lifestyle. I don’t just put anything into or on my body without proper investigation, so to smoke during my pregnancy was a conscious choice.”
I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to share my story on a female-driven platform for other conscious Mama tokers. I hope that it can bring some understanding to those that may judge us and also share a light with those who feel alone or even ashamed by their cannabis use.
Dream in color / He whispered in my ear / His future baby Mother / He was a puppeteer.
Murder? Murder who?! Ok, Kat Williams and jokes aside, for the past 3 nights, I’ve been dreaming that I’m being murdered, gruesomely murdered and it’s really effing with me. The fact that I’m also trying to conceive got me like “what the f does this mean?!” What are murder dreams really about? Well of course I googled the shit out of it and here’s a quick bullet-point:
Often considered a positive symbol (sweet!)
Experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you (holla!)
The killing off of an addiction or bad habit (totally cool with that)
Repressed aggression or rage at yourself or at someone (yikes)
Harboring some strong guilt (ahhh the past)
So in a nutshell: “To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind.” Thank you holy internet where I can find all the goodies, at least while we still have net neutrality…omgawd, please let us keep net neutrality.
These interpretations totally ease my mind in waking hours but Imma need it to sink into my unconscious while I’m dying in dreamland, good gracious!
Time to dig deep on down in mediation to find out what these murderous signs are pointing to. What in my life or in my behavior patterns need to change OR is changing? I mean obviously I’m prepping to become a mother which is a mega-huge transition and I’ve been making lots of adjustments these past several months (see pre-conception post). So we dive.
Meditation crystals in use today:
Rhodonite– is an extraordinary stone of the Heart Chakra. Rhodonite is ideal for grounding energies during meditation and dreamwork, enhancing the depth, clarity and meaning of one’s inner experiences so the messages behind the dreams and visions can be better understood.
Rose Quartz– is a stone of the heart, a Crystal of Unconditional Love. Meditating with Rose Quartz assists one in reaching a resonance with the frequency of compassion, releasing emotional patterns that hold one back.
Lepidolite– is a guardian crystal protecting you, your family and your dreams! The color, violet (purple), is the color ray of intuition, dreams. It aids in interpreting our dreams, inspiring us to great deeds and accomplishments.
Tiger’s Eye– is a most ancient talisman, an “all-seeing all-knowing eye.” Meditating with it initiates a wonderful, high-vibrational state that is well-grounded, peaceful, and highly conducive for encounters with others through remote viewing, out-of-body travel or mind travel.
Labradorite – it is, in every sense, a Stone of Magic, a crystal of shamans, diviners, healers, and all who travel and embrace the universe seeking knowledge and guidance. For self-discovery, it is excellent for awakening one’s own awareness of inner spirit, intuition and psychic abilities. Meditating with Labradorite allows one to recognize humanity as “being of light,” transcending limitations.
Jade (this one’s going deep inside! *wink wink*)- is said to bless whatever it touches. It is the ultimate “Dream Stone,” to access the spiritual world, gain insight into ritualistic knowledge, encourage creativity, and dream-solve.
*The Rhodonite, Rose Quartz, Labradorite and Jade are all also yoni eggs yay!*
Crystal descriptions from the amazing resource that is Crystal Vault!
All the answers I need to know right now are inside. I got a direct connect with The Divine. We all do. If we just take the time to slow down, stfu and sit dafuq down for a minute or 20, we can tune in. Remember: when you think you don’t even have 5 minutes to meditate, that’s when you need an hour! So, go do that ish bish, be quiet and listen and get yo answers fool! Escucha a la diosa!
We have altars set up throughout our home, 4 to be exact. I would even go as far as saying our home is an altar in itself as are the two humans who currently occupy space here. I love me some rituals and altars are all about rituals and purposeful places of worship. My home is definitely full of devotion as well as praise! So as I prepared to call our little spirit baby to join us in this life, I created an altar with all my fave fertility relics and some schweet treats! Here’s the objects I chose to put on my fertility/welcome bambinx altar! 🙂
Coconut Oil: Good for just about everything, but my new fave…lube honey! It’s like a tropical paradise down under! Good for solo play, w/toys, and with ya partna!
Food: an apple, an orange and my favorite chocolate mints. I think every altar should have things that are living (need to add a plant to this one!) and things that are being sacrificed, the fruit. I’m blessing them and asking for blessings as I add them to the spread. At the point I do become pregnant, I’m plan on eating the fruit that’s present.
Fertility Portion:
My favorite vibrator, the Lelo Ina Wave. I def wanted something on there that was fallic and that brings me joy and since I can’t put my lover up there, the next best thing will have to do. *side note* 3 words: full body orgasm!
Viva La Vulva! It’s a vulva pin that I picked up at 2016’s Amber Rose’s Slut Walk and met the cutest pair of feminist, sex-positive entrepreneur artist gal partners! I love their pins and stickers and am sad I can’t find any contact page to tag.
Ganesh who was actually a wedding present from my spouse’s childhood friend that she bought while traveling in South Asia. Ganesh represents fertility and is the destroyer of obstacles! So having her aboard the altar was a no-brainer!
Venus of Willendorf c. 25,000 B.C.. obvi I don’t have the original, in fact mine is carved from wood not limestone. There’s a bunch of theories on her, but like who do we ask to know for sure, right? This is even before Jesus’s time! Some theories are; she was used as a symbol of fertility, represented procreativity, could have been a good luck charm, a deity or mother goddess! My fave theory about the red ochre pigment covering her is that it’s thought to symbolize menstrual blood which was seen as a life giving agent. Yay!! Ahh pre-patriarchy and hate of all women things, let’s get back there, shall we?
Moonstone, the stone of fertility, the love stone and it connects us to the goddess and the moon! Plus it’s the stone for my birth time and is said to accelerate psychic abilities!
Yoni Eggs: Holistic vaginal weights made of precious healing crystals. This link will take you to my other v/blog I created on my favorite vaginal inserts! 🙂
Hopeful baby daddy’s crystals, although I joke in the video that he didn’t want to be left off of the altar, it is important for him to have a stake and a presence in all aspects of baby consciousness and I’m very grateful that he’s into all the same hippie spiritual ways. I tease and call him my monk.
BOOKS!: We are big readers individually and collectively, we read as much as we can together, like legit read out loud together from the same book like some nerds. Lots of relationships books, finance books, plays, anything that is going to continue to help us grow and develop into better versions of ourselves! I think it’s SO important that a couple read together and continue to work on the relationship. Time changes, we change, reading together, for us, has helped us to stay on equal footing.
Incense: I typically light one every day, especially during yoga and meditation times. My favorite scent is so cliche I feel like, nag champa. I could smell it all day!
Above the altar
Erotic art! I’m so into it and I want more! Right now I have a Kama Sutra basic position piece from The World Erotic Art Museum in Miami, Florida. Please go if you’re ever there, it’s incredible, they have everything and I don’t want to spoil it for you! We have a couple making love that was spray-painted on black canvas for us in the streets of Barcelona, Spain! Lastly, I have a abstract piece from an artist in Joshua Tree, California.
Dreamcatchers: We made at a Native American site and event at Kuruvungna Springs. We were actually really proud of how they turned out even though they look like a child made them!
Our vows!! Bae and I were up ’til the wee hours of the morning the night before our wedding (separately!) finishing up our vows, in fact I was still cleaning them up in the space a couple hours before the ceremony. I’m happy that we wrote our own vows and what’s hilarious is we both open on almost the exact same line. We are the same human sometimes! 🙂
Our altars will continue to shift and breathe with me and the changes that I go through, just like it will modify once I’m in pregnancy mode then into postnatal! It’s probably why I have 4 of them throughout the house. We live, we grow, we add, we purge and we pray.
Red eye to the east side for a ritual to say goodbye,
collectively we’ll inhale-exhale as the spirit ascends,
passed the limit of sky lines,
to a place not tied by earthly binds …’til we meet again on the other side.
No v/blog this week. My boo’s grandfather, a man who lived, what I’m learning was, a rich colorful life, passed away last week and we’ll be flying 3,000 miles away to be with our ginormous family and to be a part of the homecoming and grieving rituals. Let death remind us to not take these breaths for granted.
The Snappie Hippie 